january · in · paris;

beginning of a song in the wind, update your links;

http://cristobalite.wordpress.com

saturday starbucks morning, slight drizzle against the hot and humid weather, empty bus rides, jazz beats, non-fat macchiato, blueberry muffin, qualitative readings and impromptu shopping.

and then, where did my weekend go.

winnmills must be at the airport now, waiting for her flight to japan; we will miss her and pray that the 1 year there would not make her too reformed. late last week we had evans road prata, denise winnie and i. everything was familiar and secure, something which we know we can fall back on everytime we needed it.

xx

today we had fine afternoon weather - i sat by the bus stop watching the pre-afternoon activities around the neighbourhood. the primary school girl with the phone too big for her face, the school boys challenging to see who finishes their sundae the fastest, the parent tilting her umbrella to shelter her child and the maid whose ringtone was still monotone. i sat there for a bit, relishing in fresh monday air, too engrossed to realize that i had missed my bus.

i knew anger was a seven deadly sin because i knew her this morning. i woke up flustered, disorganized and hungry, all to make it to class on time. the class was cancelled this morning, it threw my whole morning plans into disarray. anger made me behaved badly, i threw my shoes in a corner, i slammed the drawer and kicked the locker door shut. i didn't dare disagree that i behaved badly, there is no help and i couldn't fool myself.

it's monday afternoon and there's a reason for journal entries like this one, incoherent, strange and out of place.

in this morning, the winds blew strong. upstairs there was renovation works still left undone, the drills and knockings were constant, yet each knock and drill came new and unexpected. i gave up and woke up at 10:03am.

the winds blew stronger, as if waiting for someone to hear it rattle the window panes dead. this was saturday and i attempted to finish some readings before heading off to work. i tried to make my 2 hours or so work out but i constantly distracted myself by the videos i want to catch up on, or gossip girl season 2, or something to watch. i still don't get myself sometimes.

happy note that the winds continued blowing, good saturday weather for work.

i'm starting to LJ again - it had been 25 weeks since the last entry. i have no explanation for my prolonged absence, but i'm starting to pick up do this again.

to contemplate school, i was reminded that it is week 4 and the semester has barely started in my opinion. i skipped my first lecture of the semester for the readings. it's religious how i remember skipping lectures for the readings, for a favourite table in the library catching up on work.

it was the same today, readings and ticking off the numbers as i completed one set at a time. the weather started to change for a bit, i was secretly happy. i drowned in words, in numbers, in quietness - halfway through we had chinese songs and realized we had to catch up on black and amitabh bachchan.

and we still have to catch up on black and amitabh bachchan.

the weather these few days provided the perfect backdrop for procrastination and laksa yong tau foo. it's close to the end of the week and i am still printing readings, topping up cash cards and reading on the bus. i had always wanted to LJ-ed when feb 29th came, but it came and went.

i thought i would like to catch the leap years in lieu of feb29, but more importantly, the song contained in the trailer was merry christmas mr lawrence - and jpiano maestro ryuichi sakamoto is love. unfortunately i found out that the soundtrack for the movie does not contain the above song, which is insane because it clearly is the mr lawrence and that was possibly the only thing that intrigued me. anyway, i'm not that fascinated with ms lim's novels so that helped.

fortnightly BBC documentaries that i caught up on last night, "transsexuals in iran" - not so much for its already controversial title, but more so about the aftermath on being a 'legal' transsexual. pre-surgery, these people live in fear for being put to death for being disrespectful towards their religion, but post-surgery/during the course of the surgery, they live in a 2nd fear that with the first cut or insertion of the needle, their families disown them.

i have a thing for watching these kinds of documentaries, because it makes us feel that our lives aren't so complicated that we make out to be. i felt strongly when one commented that the surgery "cured her of not only her "disease", but also removed her heart and ability to love". post surgery, she commodified herself to get by. simply, she lost the meaning of kinship and love and was numbed by the fact that she had been disowned. her new mantra goes by how when people told her they loved her, she would retort back saying "so do you have money" - she was that stoic. oh i cried!

it concluded with her last unwavering message to her dad although he might never receive - "i wished i would have died drinking your rat-poisoned tea on the day i went for surgery; the same cup of poisoned tea that you gave me as a token of good luck. maybe i wouldn't have felt so pained now."

my priorities are scattered in different directions these days, i lose track of things easily, and school work slowly lose their urgency when there are a million "urgent" things screaming for your attention. this semester is by far the most alienated yet, i still haven't quite figured out where all my time went.

i lose my initial thoughts for an LJ post, all i'm thinking of is the history mid term this thursday. it doesn't help that CLH is as lost as i am with regards to the history module in general, but we hope we pull through in the midst of science/engineering/everyone else. made time for weif last friday, how we didn't manage to have lunch at all this semester is beyond me.

on an even heavier note, lydia sum passed away; i'll miss her and her wing-tipped glasses.

it would be a good idea for libraries to invest in posters like these, colour printing slash laminating pictures like these probably wouldn't cost a lot, at least not as much as printing readings using the library's computers.

the week of pet peeves, foreign students who honestly would not stop talking - it was a true test of tolerance, i'm not exactly a very nice person, and i'll bring along some fluff paper balls to school to fling at people who would not stop talking with EARPHONES on.

getting sweared at during printing of readings; it really isn't my fault that the document was 78.6MB. and besides, blame it on bad karma/wrong timing/OBVIOUS wrong choice of printer to print your tiny stacks of readings. take that from my 3101 stack and may you get crushed by the revolutionary works of karl marx.



lunch away from the norm; the crack at the bottom of the claypot. the last thing we probably need is misleading pictures on the menu, stall vendors that do not speak a word of english, and a thick crack at the bottom of the claypot. and may we reiterate our point again, the last thing we need in the midst of this crazy semester is undiscovered mould from a crack 10 years ago.

like everyone else, news of heath ledger's death came as a rude shock as msn nicknames and text messages started pouring in, carrying the stark news of "heath ledger has died". from cruel joke to harsh reality, disbelief turned to sorrow and devastation.

no one can possibly forget brokeback or his upcoming role in the sequel to batman begins; but how many of us can remember his earlier lighthearted roles in 10 things i hate about you or even in a knight's tale. these were stepping stones in his brief yet triumphant acting career. at 28, he was at his prime and leading the way for the next generation's stable of fine actors.

his passion for acting is remarkable, how he for one chooses his roles not for the millions, but for the memories - he took on roles because he knew he was able to contribute to the film. however small the roles, ie the son in monster's ball, he acted to his very best and looked like he truly enjoyed it. after brokeback, he looked like he had everything going for him.

romantic goofball, hero, homosexual, joker; he played it all and soon when we watch any of his movies again, we know we won't have tears in our eyes for the wrong reasons.



onto a much happier note, we finally had lunch together after many failed attempts at trying to meet up before denise leaves for brussels.



we caught up as much as we could - of school work and misc. lunch ended on a slight drizzle, but that didn't dampen our spirits. pre-exciting stories from europe, keeping in touch from the months on would heavily depend on gmail/facebook/lj or any other.



we swapped gifts, she the box accumulater, and i the oldfashioned candy. all the best derns for your exchange experience, say hello often and i'll be missing you my (only) 'we love old folks' groupie.